You ever see that back-to-school commercial where they play that Christmas song “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”?  You know, the one were the giddy parent effortlessly sashays through isle after isle of back-to-school supplies while their less than enthused children mope behind with long, drool faces?  I’ve always loved that commercial because as a parent, I now sympathize with the adults in that commercial.  What’s not to love about being able to send your kids off for 7 hours a day for free daycare?  What’s not to love about not having kids at home to eat every speck of food in the house and trash the joint leaving everything for you to clean up once you return home from an exhaustive day at work?  It is the most wonderful time of year indeed – screw Christmas. 

For those of you who don’t have kids you don’t really understand just how spot-on this commercial is so I’ll try to relate it to you another way – pretend the parents in that commercial are you.  And by “you” I mean just your average football loving, fantasy playing, red-blooded American who thoroughly enjoys watching grown men tear each other to shreds.  Now, if you have a girlfriend or wife (or boyfriend, but we won’t talk about that) pretend that the shell-shocked kids in the commercial are them.  Now, change the intent of the commercial from “Back-to-school” to “Football season is here!” So basically here is what you have: Giddy men dance and cavorting around their sullen and grief stricken significant others while the “Da-da-dummmmmmm, Da-da-da-dah-da-DAH-dummmmmmm” Monday Night Football theme plays. 

Yeah, it’s just that exciting. 

And I don’t know about you, but when you get older, Christmas sucks! (sorry Jewish friends, I can’t relate to Hanukkah)  It seems that all you do is spend money and don’t really get anything in return except headaches from shopping and high blood pressure from family.  With football, there is no out of pocket expense and all it does is give you enjoyment and satisfaction (unless, of course, you are a Bengals fan).  It’s a win-win situation.  So, before I tear into my pre-season Power Rankings, I only have one thing to say….

…it’s to most wonderful tiiiiiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

1. New England Patriots (16-0)
   Seriously, with a schedule this easy and the Jets, Bills and Dolphins being in their division, if the Patriots don’t clinch a playoff birth by week 4, I will be immensely shocked.  Plus, if you blew a perfect season in the Super Bowl, how pissed off would you be?  Not good for the rest of the league.
2. Dallas Cowboys (13-3)
   It’s weird: For all the thugs and malcontents on the Cowboy roster, there seems to be an extreme amount of harmony coming out of training camp.  The biggest kiss-fest coming from Terrell Owens and Tony Romo who are like a couple of newlyweds the way they can’t stop fawning over each other.  “I’m sooooooo happy with Tony.  He’s like the quarterback I never had.”
   “Stop it Terrell, your embarrassing me. Besides, I’d be nothing without you.”
   “You mean that?  Ahhhhhh, that just melts me inside.” 
3. Indianapolis Colts  (13-3)
   Is it just me or do you get the feeling that the Colts are getting a little long in the tooth?  Of course, I thought the same thing about the Patriots two seasons ago and look what happened there.  For the first time ever there are legitimate concerns about Harrison and Manning’s health, not to mention Freney.  They are still a great team with time to do great things, but I can’t shake their fragility. 
4. San Diego Chargers  (11-5)
   Trust me, I think the Chargers has just as good of a chance as the Colts or Pats to win it all this season, but I have two nagging issues that are keeping me awake at night: 1) How will Philip Rivers recover from ACL surgery, and 2) Will the absence of Michael Turner affect LT.  Conventional wisdom tells you that both Philip and LT will be just fine, but you never know.  Both were victim of the injury bug late last season and their current situations don’t do anything to help this.  Time will tell.
5. Seattle Seahawks  (10-6)
   I actually like the addition of Julius Jones to the Seahawks.  I think (should he stay healthy) he will have a very VERY successful year with the Seahawks.  Hasselback is in great form and the Seattle defense will once again be a force on the field.  Mike Holmgren’s last season as the coach will give him the best shot to get back to the Super Bowl as any before. 
6. Jacksonville Jaguars  (11-5)
   Speaking of great defenses, the Jags will once again field one of the best defenses in the league.  In actuality, averaging 19 points allowed per game last season, the Jags had their worst defensive season since 2003.  That’s a scary thought when you consider that the defense was scary good last year.  The key to this season will be Davaid Garrard and his ability to start scoring more points with his arm.  When defenses start to slow down Mo-Jo Drew, Garrard will have to throw more which could mean offensive trouble.  Of course, the addition of Jerry Porter will surely help Garrard overcome his passing issues. 
7. NY Giants  (10-6)
   I hate to sound pessimistic when it comes to the Giants, but I give them no chance to retain this championship this season.  Was that too negative?  Look at the facts Strahan retired, Burress is disgruntled/injured, Shockey is a Saint, and they still play in the toughest division in all of football.  Did I mention that I still don’t trust Eli as far as I can throw him?  If the Giants win 9 games this season, I will be impressed.  Otherwise, enjoy the championship while it lasts. 
8. Green Bay Packers (13-3)
   This year in sports will forever be known as the year the probable hall-of-famer has tarnished his star.  First Roger Clemens, then Barry Bonds, then Marion Jones, now Brett Favre.  What a friggin mess!  This won’t end well.  The funny thing is, if Brett would have stayed retired, we would be talking about how incredible the Packers are going to be for years to come.  Instead, we have to be subjected to this distracting poop-fest.  With young players like Ryan Grant, Aaron Rodgers, AJ Hawk, Greg Jennings, and Donald Driver this team will we off the charts.  Leave, BRETT!!!
9. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
   Awwwwww….do I have to say something nice about the Steelers?!?!?!  Let’s get this over with.  Big Ben had a break through year last season and there’s no reason to believe that things will slow down.  Mike Tomlin appears to have this offense clicking in a way that Bill Cowher never did.  Rookie Rashard Medenhall either appears to be putting a bit of pressure on Willie Parker, or he’s giving the Steelers a great second option for a running back by committee.  Things appear to be well in hand for the Steeler offense that was a bit shaken with the loss of Alan Faneca in the offseason.  We all know that their defense will hold its own, and its offense appears to be catching up very quickly.
10. New Orleans Saints (7-9)
    The Saints’ crappy 2007-08 season was a bit of a mystery to me.  Yes, they lost Duece McAlister in week three, and their defense allowed a miserable 388 points this season but they really shouldn’t have been a sub .500 team.  This season, things look much better.  Duece is healthy which allows Reggie Bush to be more of an open-field option, they snagged Jeremy Shockey which gives their team a TE they never had, and they drafted a few stud defensive players to help stop the bleeding.  The Saints should and will return to their 2006 glory when they were the Cinderella story of the league.  This time, it will be without the help of a hurricane. 
11. Minnesota Vikings (8-8)
    The Vikings get the award for the “Most Improved” team this offseason.  They still won’t have much of a passing game, but at least with Bernard Berrian on the team, they have one decent option instead of none.  Of course, the biggest acquisition of the offseason was the hijacking of Jared Allen which gives their already fast, young defense another gear.  If for some odd reason, the Vikes land Brett Favre, they could really raise some eyebrows in the offense department.  This is the year that they stop being a .500 team, and move into playoff territory. 
12. Cleveland Browns (10-6)
    To say that the Browns season was a surprise in 2007 is a gigantic understatement.  Romeo Crennel had been using his first 3 seasons as Browns coach acquiring a mix of young draft picks and crafty veterans in the hopes that something will eventually solidify.  Last season, they added a dash of Derek Anderson and “poof” - Browns-pot-pie.  While their offense got better, their defense got worse and that could cause problems.  They did manage to snag run stuffing Shaun Rogers from Detroit, but it looks as if they will be relying mostly on their young draft picks in the hopes that they can jell defensively.  The fortune of the Browns appear to be bright, and might even get them past their 10-win mark of last season.
13. Washington Redskins (9-7)
    Two words: Jason Campbell. That’s all you need to look for when you see the success of the Redskins.  Campbell makes “the leap”, they prosper.  He craps the bed, they fail.  First year coach Jim Zorn inherits an already talented team but his job is to improve upon their mediocre records of the past 5 seasons.  I believe he has the pieces on both sides of the ball, but of course, you have to play all 16 games right?!?!
14. Philadelphia Eagles (8-8)
    The Eagles are in a weird place this season as questions of Donovan McNabb’s hold on the starting position swirl around the water cooler.  I, for one, don’t think he’s going anywhere, but all bets are off should he get injured.  They didn’t draft Kelvin Kolb for his good looks.  On offense, Brian Westbrook will be spectacular, and the addition of Kevin Curtis last season was a nice shot in the arm, but if McNabb can’t stay upright, who knows what will happen.  Defensively, the Eagles allowed their fewest points since they went to the Super Bowl in 2004 so they have that going for them. 
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7)
    I don’t know what to make of this team – Jon Gruden is messing with my head.  They have 26 quarterbacks in camp and are STILL in the Brett Favre sweepstakes. Cadillac Williams looks like a flash in the pan and their defense stars Barrett Ruud (who?) as their biggest tackler.  On paper, this team should have been horrible, yet they went 9-7 last season.  For them to be successful in 2008, they must get consistent at the quarterback position.  Their defense appears to be able to hold its own so that makes the offense the weakest link and it all starts with the signal caller.  This team might be fun to watch.
16. Arizona Cardinals (8-8)
    The good news is that from 2006-2007 the Cardinals scored 90 more points.  The bad news is that in the same time period, their defense allowed a staggering 25 points per game - almost as much as they scored.  Their offense, which boasts James, Leinart, Fitzgerald, and Boldin, is going to take care of business, but the question remains with the defense.  Not to mention that they really need some consistent play from Leinart in order to move forward. 
17. Tennessee Titans (10-6)
    I for one am not fooled by the Titans 10 win season last year.  The defense single handedly gave the Titans 4 extra wins last season that their offense couldn’t close.  But things get real this season when they face the likes of the Jags, Packers, Colts, Vikes, Browns and Steelers.  Vince Young is going to have to learn how throw the ball….quickly!
18. Carolina Panthers (7-9)
    If Steve Smith can stop punching his teammates, the Panthers might actually do some good this year.  Not sure in Deangelo Williams is going to sink or swim by himself, but the return of Jake Delhomme bodes very well for the offense which has seen a dramatic drop in the number of points scored the two seasons he’s been sidelined.  John Fox is probably on the hottest seat this season and should the Panthers underachieve, he will probably be the first to go. 
19. Houston Texans (8-8)
    The Texans strike me as a great, young team that just can’t stay healthy.  Lots of good pieces on offense and defense but have never been able to put either together very well.  In Matt Schaub can stay in the game long enough to pass the ball, the running game (which was the saving grace of last season) will open things up.  Vet Roosevelt Colvin comes in help talented youngsters like Demeco Ryans stuff the line and get their defense going in the right direction.
20. Buffalo Bills (7-9)
    I’ll be honest with you, I have little hope that the Bills are going anywhere this season.  They didn’t have a spectacular draft, they made no huge deals for free agents this offseason and they are still relying on JP Losman.  What’s to like?  The Bills haven’t been over .500 since 2004 and I wouldn’t expect that to change.
21. Denver Broncos (7-9)
    Seriously, what is wrong with Brandon Marshall?  Did he not see Chris Henry and Odell Thurman get bounced out of the league?  Did he not see the dramatic fall of players like Tank Johnson or Adam Jones?  He is one of the brightest pieces on a flourishing Bronco offense and he’s pissing it away.  You gotta wonder.  Speaking of wondering, I’m wondering how the hell Selvin Young is going to do as the starting running back this season.  I’m also wondering if Jay Cutler can grow facial hair.
22. Cincinnati Bengals (7-9)
    Don’t even get me started on these guys.  The only real things they had going for the (offense) is unraveling like a sweater.  Chad Johnson is a cancer, Rudi Johnson is questionable at best, and Chris Henry is a douche.  Their defense might show signs of life if Keith Rivers ever get into camp, and Marvin Lewis seems oblivious to the whole thing.  I think I’m getting an ulcer.  Let’s move on.
23. Chicago Bears (7-9)
    That Tom Petty song “Free Fallin’” keeps popping into my head when I thing of the Bears.  And what is it with the Bears and disgruntled players?  It seems like every season, the Bears have one or two guys who are fed up with the way they are being neglected.  This season, it was their best defensive player and their most explosive offensive player – not the best people in the world to piss off.  Next season, Lovie Smith is going to have a hold out because he’s not getting enough love from the owners. 
24. NY Jets (4-12)
    Stick a fork in the Chad Pennington experiment.  I’m not crazy about Kellen Clemens, but if I have to endure one more Pennington season and have him either get hurt or underperform, I’m going to kill a gerbil.  Thomas Jones need to pull his weight this season with more than 1 TD and is Laveranues Coles even still alive?  Their defense is okay, but “okay” defenses don’t win championships do they?
25. Baltimore Ravens (5-11)
    KYLE BOLLER ALERT!!!!!!!  I saw the funniest headline on ESPN.com the other day.  It read: Boller to Lead Ravens.  I’m not Mark Twain or anything but to me, that seems like an oxymoron.  I will be honest, I think Boller will do better than Steve McNair’s corpse, but only because live guys are usually better than dead ones.  And in case you didn’t notice, the Ravens defense is getting a bit old.  Ray Lewis is 33, Chris McAlister and Samari Rolle is 31, and Ed Reed is 29.  They still have talent and stuff, but it’s only a matter of time. 
26. St. Louis Rams (3-13)
    I think the most important person in Rams camp is hand down Steven Jackson and he’s nowhere to be found.  Bad times to an offense that really needed a boost this season.  Still, if Bulger and Orlando Pace stays healthy, this team has a chance to be decent again.  Of course, decent is a very subjective word. 
27. Detroit Lions (7-9)
    Kitna, Williams and Johnson will get their points; that’s not an issue.  The issue is with newbie Tatum Bell; is he any good or not.  He was kind of effective in Denver but from what I remember he was a bit of an injury risk.  To hell with it; he’s probably going to stink.
28. Oakland Raiders (4-12)
    I don’t think it’s fair to expect that Jamarcus Russell is going to do exceptionally well this season.  Last year, he did only get 4 games of action and that’s not enough to warrant high expectations.  The addition of Javon Walker and Darren Mcfadden are huge for the Raiders and give them a certain amount of respectability on offense.  The Raiders’ season will continue to be a learning experience, but there are signs of life by the bay.
29. San Francisco 49ers (5-11)
    It’s do-or-die for Alex Smith this season.  The defense will improve this season with acquisitions like Justin Smith, but the offense needs to start getting into the end zone.  Should Frank Gore stall again, the 49ers are in trouble.
30. Kansas City Chiefs (4-12)
    The one piece of respectability that they had left for the Minnesota Vikings in the offseason so now they got nothin’.  The successfully ran Larry Johnson into the ground two seasons ago and I’m not really sure who their quarterback is, so things look bleak in Missouri. 
31. Miami Dolphins (1-15)
    Still rebuilding.  Look out for Ronnie Brown to be the only bright spot in Miami.  Other than that, the Dolphins are under construction. 
32. Atlanta Falcons (4-12)
    I kind of feel bad for Michael Turner; he finally get out from behind LT and he has to play for the Falcons.  It will be quite some time before this team can get back to respectability.